We are our souls, ourselves. We are consciousness, minds. What we think becomes our expression. We express our thoughts through our actions and behavior. Look around the world. Our actions and behaviors are not propagating love, so how can we BE love? What is love? It isn’t something you can explain easily. ‘It’s the way I feel’, some might say. But what creates that feeling? ‘It’s the way I express’, other might say. But what are you expressing? Are you paying attention to your chest in order to feel something in your heart? Is it just a feeling in the center of your body? Why does it come and go so easily?
Most people begin life with the love of their parents to guide them. But relationships with parent are tumultuous. There are usually intense feelings within family dynamics. Yet the emotional bond of ‘love’ seems to always be there, like an underlying current through the good time and bad. But does it feel like love? It seems to be a sense of caring, maybe obligation. Or maybe something more because the parents brought a new life into the world, and that new life taught them selflessness, sacrifice, encouragement, and even courage. Children teach parents a lot about love.
Through all the ups, maybe mostly downs in family dramas, people go their own ways, and love seems to be irrelevant. But when one of your own is lying on their deathbed, you are compelled to be at their side. And the feeling you want to convey is usually, ‘I love you’, take that with you to heaven, where I know you deserve to go. And there may even be a sincere desire to see them in Heaven someday. Of course there are exceptions in extremely abusive situations. These situations usually involve the total lack of self love and the inability to express love to another. For most families, there is some expression of love, some giving of it. You can tell by the hurt that goes along with it sometimes.
So what is this ‘love’ that we are sharing? It seems to be an idea or concept for how we treat eachother. It’s not just one single thing, an emotion or feeling. We feel a uplifted when we receive love. We are uplifted because of the way we are being treated. So we can say love is given as the expression of attitude and the way we treat others. When we love, we express respect, admiration, gratitude, humor and an overall acceptance of the person we are interacting with. Judgement is conspicuously absent. This is why the child-parent bond, while seeming to be not that loving, in the end brings out the emotion we often associate with love. That ‘I don’t want to lose you’ type of hurt. Parents and children have a lot of soul-soul, heart to heart interactions. True interactions where one person is actually seeing into the heart of another and accepting them to one degree or another. This is hard to find in ‘the real’ world, in a society filled with judgement.
Parents are the home base. The place to return to when you feel unloved. A place to recharge a sense of self-worth. But usually the kids are looking for this from the parents, not so much giving it back. Thus the parents learn selflessness and sacrifice from the children because they are worth it. Grown children grow tired of judgement, return to the parents for a recharge of acceptance, no matter how small, usually while judging the adequacy of the parents parenting. So love is complicated.
People are filled with expectations and judgements. It’s hard to express love to another when judgement stands in the way. If we were love, if our souls were made of love and we ‘are’ it, then we are fighting our very nature to not express it. But most are perfectly happy not to be expressing it. This would require them to express respect, understanding, patience, non-judgement, etc. This actually takes effort. It does not come naturally. Almost as if we have to go against our nature in order to discipline ourselves to do this.
The reason for the constraint required of our impulsive nature lies in the deeply buried sense of self-hatred, or lack of self-love present in all who don’t feel naturally inclined to express lovingly to all people they encounter. So discipline is necessary. Always disciplining oneself to focus on the positive, always looking for things to be grateful for. Effort, effort, effort. And it will always be effort until that uncomfortable sensation that makes it difficult to be alone and happy, is adderessed. Even ones’ parents can’t make that go away. You can love your parents, but not really express it until you love yourself. So the sensation of longing or hurt is often associated with love for another. ‘I do love you, but can’t really joyfully express it and I don’t understand why.’
We are in need of love. And we look for it in everything external to ourselves. Parents are supposed to be an eternal fountain of unconditional love received, but not returned, friends to make us happy, pets to bring us joy, entertainment to distract us. We look for love in all the wrong places. Our goal should really be to be able to express it naturally with no effort. The thing keeping us from that goal is ourselves. We need to look at ourselves, all of it, and find the reason for the lack of love of self that is keeping us from treating eachother with respect and all the other attributes that come with expressing love.
The human story seems to be about the quest for love. It’s a love story that is a tragedy played over and over again. Repeated through lifetimes of interpersonal dynamics. We have lived lifetimes together as a human family, looking for ways to love eachother when we don’t really love ourselves. We need to stop all interactions, ideally, until we get our heads in order. Until we understand ourselves, because this lack of understanding of ourselves is creating hurt for others. We can put expressions on our faces and fake an attitude, but our conscious being does read the true expression of energy, thought, and it’s registered, noted within our subconscious as we consciously play the pretend game. This creates buried hurt or resentment. And the cycle continues.
Honesty really is the best policy because it doesn’t hurt. It feels good. The subconscious recognizes true, meaningful interaction and both people benefit. If all could be absolutely honest, even if it is the expression of a negative emotion, it would benefit both. This means, even if you do not like the person, let them know. Because if you pretend not to in order to feel like a more loving person, our consciousness recognizes the lie. You recognize you betraying yourself and feel diminished, the other recognizes the lie and disrespect. So use the code of honor on the battlefield. You can be enemies, but also respect eachother. This feels good. Try it.
Why do we think we are ‘love’ or loving beings? Maybe it is because we are the energy of consciousness. We are minds that are looking at physical energy and playing with it by thinking up stories with our minds. Our thoughts create vibrations within the physicality of space. When our thoughts consist of positive concepts about the other person and are truly accepting of them, as in no judgement, then the vibrations of the physical energy by the one thinking this way feels good. They are not sensed or felt as resistance. It feels expansive, like you can breathe easily and fully express yourself without holding back. If you love yourself, you feel the joy of expressing yourself in another’s company. This results in the feeling of physical energy around you as it resonates with your joy of expression. You feel elation, happiness, joy and the other person feels it as well because they are in acceptance of your self expression. You can harmonize together and enhance the effect. This is the unhindered expression of oneself when they love themself. Otherwise, you hold back and never get there. It takes the energy of non-judgement to open up. Usually parents offer that, but still with some level of expectation and judgement.
To truly open up, a good investment of time is spent in isolation, breaking through all of the self judgement that creeps up and discovering all of the buried beliefs that keep you from the joy of expressing yourself. When expressing yourself in joy, we all benefit and receive love as given by your love of self expressing as love of life. In the busy, distracting, modern world, it is hard to commit to ourselves in this way. The concept of mindfulness is working its way into the human psyche as an expression, or manifestation of the desire of humanity to move out of our cycle of dysfunctional interaction and into a more responsible loving one. We want to fix this and it is showing. The temptation will be to treat it as a fad, a popular thing to do. Not all people are aligned with the desire to break the cycle, but enough are to bring these concepts into mainstream. If you find yourself drawn to it, you are sensing within you a deeply held desire to learn what you need to learn to be the expression of self love. To understand your nature and to be able to be happy. Don’t let yourself down. Treat yourself lovingly, with utmost respect and listen to yourself. These deeply held impulses are of the utmost importance to understand and you have to stand up for yourself. No perceived ‘responsibility’ is more important than listening to yourself and using this lifetime for what you wanted to. You aren’t alone, and like all difficult habit breaking endeavors, there are support groups to network with. Modern society is very distracting, but just keep in mind that you are worth the investment.